Zero Punctuation Hatfall: Review

https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/zero-punctuation-hatfall/id978386210?mt=8

Addictive Games are up this week to bring us the ios/browser/”probably could do it with some string” game Hatfall. The premise is simple. You control a man who has to position himself under a falling hat. Besides removing irony from the title, this action gives you a point if the hat successfully falls on your head. If it doesn’t fall on your head, you lose and start again.

If that sounds simple, well done, you have a grasp of gaming mechanics. It is also pretty accurate, because that is all you do. To add some challenge to the outing, the game attempts to confuse or outright troll you by having multiple people on the screen, forcing you to work out which of them is yourself as the hat falls down. To compound things further, not every descending object is a hat and things like fridges are best not stood under.

From there you’ll get the flow of the game. It starts off easy, but then you’ll get more people on the screen, more fake choices and less time to make a decision. It is classic stuff and works for the most part, which is probably expected given it is so simple.

However, that is really all there is to it. You can unlock things by collecting more hats, but they are not really worth doing so and are not even full of the Zero Punctuation “in” jokes that might have provided a bit of value to the title. Given that, you’d be best to stick with the browser version, which can be found here:

http://www.addictinggames.com/action-games/hatfall-game.jsp

Oh but you purchased it on itunes? Well for $2.50 you get your game which is fair enough. I’ve enjoyed the guy’s comedy for years so I don’t mind throwing a couple of bucks down for a pointless and limited experience. Heck I paid much more for Dragon Age Inquisition.

But here is the rub. Hatfall also includes a $0.99 IAP to “DOUBLE HATS FOREVER and unlock three unique shop items”!!!! Which is a bit of a fucking joke. As the store itself says “Like the game? Why not chuck us a measly 99 cents to double collected hats?” I’ll tell you why, because I already bought the fucking game.

So yeah, browser it is.

Lego Worlds – Early Impressions


 

http://store.steampowered.com/app/332310/

Lego Worlds is the answer to “Why hasn’t Lego made a Minecraft rip-off?” And here it is.

I’m only a casual minecraft player (?) But my kids watch Stampy Cat and build all sorts of stuff, so I figured I’d buy it and see if it is worth throwing at them.

Here are some early impressions:

+ It looks pretty good. Things seem a bit blurry, but it has its own style and it seems relatively “solid” for a building game.
– It runs like shit. Even with the settings right down, you can tell that it isn’t an optimised game. This is the case even when you have a very simple world with few blocks on it, so don’t expect to be building anything massive and still have a silk smooth experience.
– The building is pretty clunky. The approach taken here is nested menus, with no real idea which menu does what or where you will find a particular block or function. There is a learning curve here.
– How do you quit? No idea. How do you get to the settings screen? It took me a while to work out, because the button is hidden underneath another button. This is the level of the interface you are dealing with.
+ That aside, you could see how it “could work” as everything fits together reasonable well once you work out where it is.
+ Putting the first set down is a great experience, with a nice building animation and lots of interactivity.
– On the other hand, you can’t really go inside the house, so there are some limitations.

Overall? It isn’t quite ready for mainstream yet and I’d hold off for a while if you just want a finished experience. But if you really love these sort of games I could see you getting some value with it, especially if you have a 500,000k PC.

It is early access and it feels early access. Still, loads of potential so you’ll probably end up buying it one way or another.

Will Lego support it? Will we see Harry Potter dlc and the ability to build anything you want out of old lego plans? I’m actually pretty dubious seeing as how long it took to get to this point. But … you never know. If they do let it fulfil the potential? It is a Minecraft killer.

NeoGAF Steam GOTY 2014 Results – Analysis

Thanks to Mr Orange and JShackles, SteamGaf have finally voted for their GOTY2014…in mid March. Still we go there and here are my opinions on the results:

I haven’t played Alien Isolation yet, but did recently pick it up on sale. I’m expecting an “ok” experience, so a 10 spot is probably about right.

Fair enough.

Shadow of Mordor is your token “mediocre AAish” release that needs to be in the top 10. If there has to be one, and there does, it is a solid enough game to be #9. After all, it could have been some Assassins Creed or Batman garbage. At least it is Tolkien garbage.

Fair enough

Transistor deserves this spot mainly in relation to Bastion, which I found to be a really bad game. Full marks for improvement but it is a stretch to call it a top 10 game beyond a bit of style.

Just fair enough

The first game in the list that I “don’t get”. I just don’t find it fun or interesting to play and I don’t see how the improvements in this re-release really made much difference. There are just so many indie actiony/rogue like games which are so much better to play.

I know it is popular…but I don’t understand why.

I can understand South Park being here, it just isn’t a game I remotely want to play so I haven’t.

Fair enough for fans I suppose

This was my #1 overrated game of the year. 1001 Spikes was just so much better, but this is the game that gets loved. It wasn’t terrible, but I don’t think it belongs on a top 10 list.

Vastly overrated

It is really hard to think of this as a 2014 game…but given it is a valid choice you can’t really argue against it.

Solid choice

If Shadow of Mordor was your token mediocre action game, this is your token mediocre FPS. Lots of people still love FPS of course, but to me this is just a throw back to before FPS got interesting (System Shock) and there is little appealing about it.

Token boring shooter for FPS fans

People seem to be confused about Dark Souls 2. “Didn’t people hate it?” No, not at all. People whine about it, but people whine about everything and should generally be ignored…like me. Even with the downgrades, it was still a brilliant game, it just suffered in terms of quantity over quality. The DLC fixed this to a certain extent (2 out of 3 were great!) so it is a worth #2.

Great game

Divinity is both a worth winner… and a real disappointment. All I wanted from a game like this was NPCs with job schedules and a few other things that go back to the glory Ultima days. We didn’t get that… again… but we did get an extremely well put together RPG that was certainly on my list of top 5 games.

A strong winner

Summary:

Mediocre mass market
Shadow of Morder
Alien Isolation
Wolfenstein

Style over substance
Transistor

One for Fans
South Park

Overrated
Binding of Issac
Shovel Knight

Good
Dark Souls 2
Divinity
MGR

Overall? A fair enough list. It does kind of highlight how poor gaming was in 2014, with few stand out releases. However there is great diversity represented, which is even more important. Hopefully a few more amazing games get released on the platform in 2015.

X: Rebirth – Revisited

X:Rebirth is having a free weekend and a massive discount on steam http://store.steampowered.com/sale/x_free_weekend. Because I gave impressions way back when (here and here), I’ve given it another go. Have they fixed it? Or is it still a mess of ideas and a broken attempt to modernise a very niche franchise?

Well here it is…

  • All the space station stuff etc is still insultingly bad. It still feels like they made these sections because it seemed like “a good idea” but then realised how much work it would actually take and bailed out as quickly as they could.
  • The story in the campaign is terrible and seems to skip parts of itself. Like you’ll be asked to talk to someone…for no reason. And then when you talk to somebody for no reason, they don’t tell you anything, but your quest advances to fly somewhere else.
  • I don’t have the best PC, but performance still seems really poor.

So ultimately? The only way to enjoy it is to ignore all the stuff they added in X: Rebirth… which leaves you with a cut down version of the (cheaper http://store.steampowered.com/app/2820/) older titles. If that is something you would enjoy? Well they are still there and hold up fine. It is 99% space after all, and black still looks black today.

X: Rebirth might be more stable, but it is still broken. I don’t believe it can be fixed.

PS4 Playstation Plus – The story so far #PS4 #PS+

PS4 PS+ so far in my opinion:

Now that the PS4 is well into its life I thought it was time to look at the PS+ service and see exactly how things are tracking. People seem relatively happy with what they are getting, but there has been criticism that it is “Indies only” and that people want more AAA games.

Do the figures back this up? Are the games of a high enough quality or is it a dumping ground for indie crap? Lets have a look.

NB: Please note this is based on the US PS+ service only, considering that other PSN services such as the Australian one are a complete and utter joke considering pricing

Summary:

Overall Games: 30
Great: (13%)
Love/Hate: (23.3%)
Ok: (30%)
Throw Away: (30%)

We can see that at roughly 2/3rds of games put up on PS+ are at least “Ok” and worth a play.

Breaking it down further:

Indie Games: 27 (90%)
Great: 4
Love/Hate: 7
Ok: 9
Throw Away: 7

AAA Games: 2 (6.6%)
Great:0
Love/Hate:0
Ok:0
Throw Away: 2

AA Games: 1 (3.3%)
Great:0
Love/Hate:0
Ok:1
Throw Away:0

Indeed the vast majority of games are Indie, with only two AAA offerings, both of which are kind of terrible (but more on that later).

For the individual titles:

Indie 2D Action Platformers

Great:
Spelunky – Massive amount of replay value and perfectly pitched challenge.
The Swapper – Very atmospheric, slow paced puzzle game of a high quality.

Love/Hate
Rogue Legacy – A potential time sync, but some people will not appreciate the grind/skill ratio
Apotheon – It seemed awful, but lots of people praise it so I don’t know.
Dust – Gets repetitive and the art-style is questionable. But a quality game.
Fez – Not sure if it is great or bad, but incredibly interesting to play through.

Ok
Steamworld Dig – Pretty boring and repetitive, but ok for a few hours.
Towerfall Ascension – Really needs somebody else to play with and kind of limited. But at least it is a multiplayer option.
Trine 2 – Incredibly pretty but incredibly boring game. The multiplayer option gives it a rough pass.
Mercenary Kings – Should be a lot more fun than it is, but at least there is lots of content, even if it is mediocre.

Throw away
Escape Plan – Just too slow and ponderous to be fun.
Stick it to the man – Might be a decent game in here somewhere, I found everything about it off-putting.
Contrast – Seems kind of broken and the bits that work are not fun anyway.

Indie Misc

Great
Don’t Starve – Really high class crafting game with a heap of replay value.

Love/Hate
Transistor – I love that it isn’t Bastion, and it has a lot going for it in terms of style and interesting mechanics.
Binding of Issac – People rave about it, so I’ll put it in love/hate even though I think it is a pretty bad game. At least it can last you a long time.

Ok
Outlast – I think the DLC is much better all around, but it is still a very solid horror game.
Pix the Cat – Really needs to explain itself better, but if you can wrap your head around it the game is well put together.

Throw away
Sportsfriends – People rave about things like Bari Bari ball. But does anybody actually play it? Nope.
Road not taken – Might be a little unfair on this one, but it doesn’t get a free pass just for being puzzle based. You have to want to play it too.
Doki Doki – I don’t even know what this is supposed to be.

Indie Shooter

Great
Resogun – Speaks for itself really. A bit limited, but does what it does to a high quality.

Love/Hate
Velocity 2x – Either an amazing skill based game that you will spend the time to master, or a dull, mediocre game where you do the same couple of boring tasks over and over. Worth finding out for yourself.

Ok
Pixeljunk Shooter – I always thought this was the worst of the pixeljunk games, the very definition of just “ok”.
Titan Attacks – It is only space invaders really, but it can be surprisingly fun.
Dead Nation – Just gets a pass for multiplayer options, otherwise only ok.

Throw Away
Secret Ponchos – Looked great until people realised what it was and found nobody else playing it.

AAA

Throw Away
Infamous: First light – On the plus side, it stops people buying more Infamous out of curiosity. A soulless open world game with few redeeming features.
Injustice – Know how people always say “I don’t play MK just for the violence?” Well this shows you exactly how much fun that would be… and nobody plays it.

AA

Ok
Strider – Doesn’t reach any great heights but it gets the job done and is worth playing at least for a few hours. I also wouldn’t all it Indie, it is sort of awkwardly in the middle somewhere.

Conclusion

PS+ is currently dominated by indie games on the PS4 which should come as no real surprise for people who have kept up with the service. What is more interesting is that in just over a year around a third of those games are potential ones you will love, which is a reasonable success rate coming close to one game every month.

The sample size for AAA games is really too small to draw any conclusions other than Injustice sucks and First Light is incredibly overrated. Of course this is just my opinion (On First Light, Injustice really does suck), but it does highlight the gulf between people who enjoy the Infamous open world style and those who can get 100 hours out of Spelunky. Should better graphics give them a free pass to “ok” or better. In my opinion no, a game is good not be the hundreds of artists who churned content out, but by the quality of often a single designer.

You can’t please both crowds, but ultimately I would conclude Sony are on the right path. Even if it does inevitably lead to AAA lovers abandoning the service for another platform, the chance that some of those games will try one of the deeper games and realise that Indie is not a genre and they have been missing out on straight up good games? Well that is more than worth it.

There Came an Echo

Sequence (http://store.steampowered.com/app/200910/) was a game that … wasn’t my thing. I appreciated the idea behind it (rhythm based rpg) which is worth a lot of points in my book. But no matter how well done it was? It just wasn’t something I wanted to play.

What it did do is make me take note of the developer, in the hope that they did work on something that was more my cup of tea. Lucky I did so, because they… well they seem to have held up their side of the bargain.

There Came an Echo is about to be released on steam and can be suitably wish-listed from http://store.steampowered.com/app/319740. What do we have this time? Well it is a real time strategy game with the hook being voice recognition and a lot of science fiction style.

Does it work? No idea. Can it work? I have my doubts long term without it all getting fiddly. Is it worth trying though? Absolutely.

I love developers who have obviously sat down and thought “you know what would be cool? If we did X” Where X isn’t the same old shit everybody else is doing by making you find bird feathers. More than that though, Iridium studios have a proven track record of actually turning those ideas into something real.

Sometimes, perhaps often this results in a big mess. But occasionally it all comes together and you have something really special. Even if the voice commands don’t work out, it looks like there are other suitable control options anyway, even if it isn’t quite as much fun. Here is wishing them (and us as gamers!) all the best.

The Order 1886 – Review

There is one major concern when examining 1886. Is it long enough? Well lets break it down:

  • It lasted for 365 days.
  • Most if not all those days were 24 hours.
  • ALL of the days were in order.

So you could conclude that it wasn’t a long year by any stretch of the imagination. Some people will even argue strongly that there are other years which are even longer. However it was more than long enough to get the job done at the time.

But the length of 1886 isn’t really the most important factor. What matters is the quality of the year and this is where 1886 shines:

March 3 – The Treaty of Bucharest ends the Serbo-Bulgarian War in the Balkans.
May 8 – American pharmacist Dr. John Stith Pemberton invents a carbonated beverage that will be named Coca-Cola.
July 9 – Charles Hall files a patent for his process of turning aluminium oxide into molten aluminium.
November 11 – Heinrich Hertz verifies at the University of Karlsruhe the existence of electromagnetic waves.

Those highlights are just a few of the major events that happened that year. Would you revisit 1886 given the chance? I would suggest most people would say yes, even if they didn’t want to go through the whole thing again.

Overall 1886 was a quality year in perfect order. Please keep this in mind over the next week or so.

It is a video game. This is as serious as you need to take it.

How accurate is – How Long To Beat?

Howlongtobeat (The http://howlongtobeat.com/) is a popular website that does pretty much exactly what the name suggests. It tells you how long it would expect you to take to beat a video game.

Why is this useful information? Well people like to know this for two reasons. Firstly they might like to equate some sort of value equation to the figure, to work out if game “X” is worth $60. They might also want to know the positive or negative equivalent of “how much longer is this thing?” (mostly negative). Either way, it is pretty useful number to know.

The third and more sinister use is as some sort of console war weapon, as will soon be seen by the bloodbath that is The Order 1886. Is it 5 hours or is it 7 hours! OMG! Only How Long to beat can tell us for sure!

Or can it? The thing that has bothered me for a little while, is that the figures quoted on the site are, on the level they are most used, sort of bullshit. Let me explain by an example…

Shovel Knight takes 3 hours to do pretty much everything in the game. I know this, because I did pretty much everything there is in the game and it took me 3 hours (and 5 minutes).

Go to http://howlongtobeat.com/game.php?id=19512 however and it proudly lists a completion time of 6 hours. This is something that has been pointed out to me many times as proof that it is “value for money” and that I’m somehow wrong or didn’t actually play the game.

Am I a god among gamers? No. Is there more to the figures than a simple “6” can show? Yes. Lets dig deeper into the submissions and make some notes.

  • Firstly, there are only 109 submissions. When you think about it, this is a very tiny number of users and statistically doesn’t prove anything.
  • Of those actual submissions, they range from 2 hours up until 12! Where do you fit on that scale? Who the fuck knows which makes it pretty useless unless you closely align yourself with somebody who posted there. If you do happen to know one of the 109 people, you probably also could have just asked them.
  • Submissions are open to everybody and we all know what that means for user driven content. Expect a lot of “1 hour” times to sneak through for platform exclusives, while somebody who loves Skyrim will happily report 6000 hours because they couldn’t work out how to fast travel.
  • Modern games take a long time to develop fully, some several months after they have been released. Because of this, the time to beat is always a moving figure and extra content (or pointless collecting can easily inflate a score.
  • Like metacritic, the more a site gets quoted? The more publishers will throw repetition into their games to boost it. This doesn’t actually mean a game takes longer to beat, just that you have the opportunity to repeat yourself and die a little inside.

The bottom line is quoting straight figures of how long a game takes to beat isn’t quoting anything of real value except in very specific cases. Going further and using this score to attack a game or make yourself feel better? That is pretty dumb and only a slight step above using metacritic scores to justify your purchase.

Gaming and simple numbers? It just doesn’t work. Always, always dig deeper and always look at where that number actually comes from before relying on it.

PSN Fighting Game Sale

US only…but if you are buying from any other store on PSN, what are you doing?

PSN flash sale fighting games:

https://store.sonyentertainmentnetwork.com/#!/en-us/flash-sale/cid=STORE-MSF77008-9_FLASHSALE15_G

PS4
Divekick – $4.00 – 60% Off
Guilty Gear Xrd Sign – $24.00 – 60% Off

PS3
Arcana Heart 3 – $6.00 – 80% Off
Dead or Alive 5 – $4.00 – 80% Off
Dead or Alive 5 Ultimate – $10.00 – 75% Off
SoulCalibur V – $8.00 – 60% Off
Guilty Gear Xrd Sign – $20.00 – 60% Off
JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: All-Star Battle – $20.00 – 60% Off
Street Fighter X Tekken – $7.50 – 75% Off
Tekken Tag Tournament 2 – $10.50 – 70% Off
Virtua Fighter 5 Final Showdown Complete Edition – $6.00 – 80% Off
Street Fighter III: Third Strike Online Edition – $3.00 – 80% Off
Street Fighter III: 3rd Strike: Online Edition Complete Pack – $5.00 – 80% Off
Chronophantasma is supposed to be on sale too… keep an eye out for it
Digimon All-Star Rumble – $16.00 – 60% Off
Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix – $2.00 – 80% Off

PS2
Capcom vs. SNK 2: Mark of the Millennium 2001 – $2.50 – 75% Off

Vita
Guilty Gear XX Accent Core Plus R – $3.00 – 80% Off
Street Fighter X Tekken – $7.50 – 75% Off

PSP/1
BlazBlue: Continuum Shift II – $2.00 – 80% Off
Guilty Gear XX Accent Core Plus – $2.00 – 80% Off
Mortal Kombat: Unchained – $2.50 – 75% Off
Street Fighter Alpha 1 – $1.20
Street Fighter Alpha 2 – $1.20
Street Fighter Alpha 3 – $1.20
Tekken – $1.20
KOF99 – $1.20

Monster Boy and the Wizard of Booze

Ah memories. Simpler times, less worries and Wonder Boy. Those were the days.

Or those were the days… because those days are soon to become new days, for new people…. soon.
FDG Entertainment are teasing a new Wonder Boy release called Monster Boy that looks pretty damn fine to me. I was always a Sega kid, with a master system (original with card slot no less), so of course this caught my interest straight away.

http://www.monsterboy.com/

The music has all sorts of nostalgic effects, although it isn’t quite the same without the warning sound from low health ringing out over the top of it. Still, it does look good.

Is Wonder Boy something that would interest me today? It is hard to say. Truth be told, I’m not a huge fan of the series outside of Monsterland. WB3 was obviously a great title, but it also felt a bit simpler by the time I played it and I was kind of wanting more. Although it was a huge game, the actual gameplay was limited and I’m not sure if this effort will quite scratch that itch.

Having said that, I’m somebody who didn’t really appreciate Shovel Knight, so the devs are probably not going to lose sleep over what is going to interest me.

Oh but if they include a section like this?

I will hunt them down. Even if I don’t play it, kids of today need to be protected.

Anyway, one to keep an eye on and back appropriately.